Thanksgiving Breakfast

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday. Mainly for it's lack of financial obligation and materialism. I mean, you wake up, watch some football, start drinking and socializing with family and friends. You don't have to break the bank and spend hours wrapping that gadget or gift that is sure to be taken directly to a return counter somewhere...
Anyway, before I get off topic, heres the thing..
When I was growing up we ate our Thanksgiving dinner at the appropriate time, 5 pm. Now, some of you are saying wait just a minute buddy, thats is way too late. Is it? Is it really? When my sister moved back East she told us that they would all gather at noon and eat by one. Are you kidding me? I haven't even had coffee yet, much less a drink, nor a shower and shave. Okay I'm exaggerating, but thats sounds like a late breakfast or early lunch to me and this is the norm throughout the country. Don't you wanna fast all day, catch a buzz and maybe eat some crab dip? The idea behind all this is that after the feast everyone hangs around the house like lazy serotonin induced zombies who wonder back and fourth between the left over counter and the couch. This sounds like the behavior of a homeless person. Sleeping all day and eating cold food. One issue with this is how comfortable the house is where the binge is being held at. Is there enough spots to sit and stretch out after the gorge. How many bathrooms are accessible and/or handicap friendly? Smoking or non smoking? Better get some coffee started and we're talking multiple pots babe. Be prepared for house guests that will not leave! Plan on twelve different goodbyes followed by ten different ways of saying "we should do that." Grandma needs help getting into the car and may even need a ride home. Thanks for the 4 dollars, you remember I am 28 right?
Its just a real racket. This year I propose everyone trying a more appropriate time for Thanksgiving dinner. Have your guest arrive between 2 and 3, eat at five and have desert and coffee just after 6. This way everyone leaves in one wave besides maybe those two stragglers that never get the hint. You know who they are. They think that when everyone leaves its now time to catch up with you. You are too little too late my friends. Say what you need to say during the allotted holiday time.
In conclusion, this plan may be a bit too late to implement into your holiday strategy this year but do yourselves a favor and try the 5 o'clock dinner next year.